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How to Deal with Difficult People and Have Constructive Conflict

via Dumb Little Man - Tips for Life by DLM Writers on 1/28/12

Life and relationships aren't always perfect. Take a minute to think of some difficult people you have to deal with in your life? These may be people you work with, the in-laws that come to town throughout the year, or your neighbor who can’t seem to take a hint. For whatever reason, you're just not jiving with these people.

Do you flee? Or, do you get flexible and learn to interact?

When we encounter these extreme personalities it can feel like they are trying to make our life miserable, but more often than not, it’s simply learning about these peoples’ tendencies and how to interact in a more tactful way. Some conflicts are unavoidable and shouldn’t be smoothed over or suppressed, though it’s learning to deal with our differences, and how to understand, resolve, and learn from these interactions that’s important.

Tips to dealing with problem people

• Learn to recognize different personalities
  First and foremost, we must develop self-awareness about our own personality tendencies. Are you more aggressive or passive? Are you more of an introvert or extrovert?

  Once we know our personality tendencies we can learn to recognize other peoples’ personalities and adapt and interact in a more effective way.

Learn how to communicate with different personality types
When we are dealing with different people it requires we approach them in the way they want to be treated. Some people need more detail and clarity in communication. Some people are very direct and just want the facts, and others are more focused on relationships.

Consider how you can communicate verbally and through body language in the most effective way with these different types of people to build rapport and make them feel understood.

Know who triggers you and why
When we know who we tend to have conflict with and what it is that leads us to get frustrated, we can begin to be more proactive. We can learn to deal with this person more effectively by managing our own emotions and not be the target of their drama and unrest.

Learn to focus on strengths and positive qualities
A great way to deal with people more effectively in any relationship context is to focus on their positive qualities and to help them accentuate these when you can. Give people compliments, offer them recognition, and help them to use their strengths. We can empower others instead of knocking them down, and by doing so have a more positive influence and interaction.

Just because you apply these ideas doesn’t mean that people will always respond in a positive manner. The only person you have control is yourself, so to make sure that an unhealthy conflict doesn’t ensue work to build these traits.

Managing conflict is being there with:

1. Availability: Accept full responsibility for your thoughts, feelings, actions, values, and perceptions that you contribute to the conflict.

Flexibility: Offer a willingness to make some degree of change, so that both people can move toward a joint solution. Compromise may be required.

Specificity: Seek to focus the conflict of real, significant issues that point toward a practical outcome that is within the range of responsibility. Don’t get personal.

Clarity: When the message intended and the impact received are nearly the same, communication is achieved. For this to happen, words, tone of voice, facial expression, posture must all be congruent with each other and context with they are said.

Here are some signs of constructive and healthy conflict.
You’ll know you’re on the right track when the following ideas are present.
Conflict is constructive when:

• It opens up issues of importance, resulting in their clarification.
• Results in the solution of problems
• Increases the involvement of individuals in issues of importance to them
• Causes authentic communication to occur
• Serves as a release to pent-up negative emotions
• Helps build cohesiveness among people, and allows them to learn about each other
• Helps individuals grow and learn to become better in the future
• We can learn a lot about ourselves and grow as a person when we work through conflict. It can also open up new possibilities and allow us to think differently about our beliefs and expectations.

Developing patience and tact to deal with others more effectively is a skill that can be applied in many areas of life. Continuing developing your ability to connect and influence others in a positive way.

Written on 1/28/2012 by Joe Wilner. Joe Wilner is a coaching and writer who manages www.shakeoffthegrind.com, where he inspires and empowers people to live a full, meaningful, and thriving life. You can also follow him on Twitter at @shakethegrind.

Photo Credit: spaceamoeba

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Update Your Resume and Get a (Better) Job This Weekend [Weekendhacker]

via Lifehacker by Adam Dachis on 1/27/12

You've probably heard too many times to count that "in this economy, you should be happy to have any job at all." Perhaps that's true, but that doesn't mean you can't try to find something better if you hate the job you've got. Here are a few things you can do this weekend to prepare to make a positive shift in your work life.

Update That Resume

Before you set out to apply for a new job, you're probably going to need an up-to-date resume. It's easy to let resume updating slide while you're employed because you have a job and it isn't the most fun thing to do. Fortunately there are some tools to make it easier to get started and make sure it's in top shape.

First things first, if you don't want to figure out the exact formatting of your resume and other tedious tasks, Resunate is a service that'll simply take your information and create a resume tailored to the type of job you want. If you've got a LinkedIn profile, you can also use the LinkedIn resume builder to save yourself the hassle of reassembling that information. If you want something a little different, VIsualize.me can create an infographic out of your work experience.

Of course, you want your resume to be unique and not a computer-generated file. These services are good at providing you with a starting point but you should take the time to personalize the document they create and still look for ways you can improve it. To start, resume checking service RezScore will analyze your resume for free and provide you with useful feedback. RezScore will not only point out actual errors, but overused words and which jobs your resume is best geared towards as well.

There's plenty you can do yourself, too. It's always good to be aware of bland phrases, redundant statements, and annoying terms. Resume checkers will catch a lot of these things, but they won't catch everything. It also helps to read your resume from bottom to top to help catch errors.

The design of your resume is also important. You don't need to revolutionize its look, but often times its a matter of simply choosing the right font and color. For more design tips, check out these design resources.

For more tips on getting your resume read and past the robots, read this.

Find a Great New Place to Work

If you don't already have a new job in mind, you're going to need to find one. That is, unfortunately, somewhat of a daunting task. Whenever I've needed a job or wanted a new one, I've simply thought of companies I liked and that would provide a good learning experience. Then I'd contact all the companies on that list about available jobs. If the company already provided a list of jobs, I'd contact them anyway to just ask a question. It always helps to have your name on the company's radar and let them know you'll be applying after they help you out. If you don't have any real questions, ask them something simple and easy to answer that might not be entirely clear in the job posting. If they can answer in a few minutes and you respond with a thank you, they'll feel like they helped you and that can make them like you. While you may not have a list of companies you like on the top of your head, if you think about it for a little while you'll likely find a few. Don't rule out anything just because it seems unlikely. You may be surprised at the jobs you can get if you're smart, get things done, and stand out just a little bit. (And if you really want to stand out, this Google trick is very clever.)

But sometimes getting a job can be tough because you don't have relevant experience. Of course, you can always get a lower-level job to get that experience or simply start in a position you are qualified for and move into the position you want after you've proven you're a great worker. In some cases, you can spin your unrelated experience to make it feel relevant. I've never applied for a job for which I was qualified, but I worked my way up through an internship or convinced my employer that my existing experience is relevant. Often times it's as simple as finding a task or two that you completed at your current job that is actually relevant and focus on those.

When you're really not sure where you might want to work, however, there are plenty of ways to find new options. Strangely, Twitter is a good option because organizations like Tweet My Jobs post quite a few opportunities. The Labor Department's Facebook page provides job listings and career advice as well. On top of those options, check out the top five Lifehacker reader favorites for job search sites.

Photo by FotoDawg.

Nail the Interview

Job interviews can be tough. It's the only part of the process where you really have to think on your feet. If you're qualified, intelligent, and get things done, the only other thing you really need is charisma. Most decisions are made on a first impression and so coming across as a like-able person is often your biggest asset (which, thanks to body language, is easiest to do in person). If you can pull that off initially, you'll be in good shape unless you mess something up. So just don't say anything stupid!

On that subject, you really just need to know what you should avoid during the interview. It also happens to know what to ask and understand the motives behind the questions the interviewer asks you. If you're asked the most annoying question—that being "what's your greatest weakness?"—just choose an irrelevant skill.

And once you do nail the interview, consider asking if the company offers a signing bonus. Sometimes that's all you need to do to get one.

Photo by Ted Murphy.

Splurge-worthy: How to make the final decision on a big purchase

via The Effortless Gent by Barron on 1/25/12

In all honesty, I’m not a big spender. I definitely don’t splurge very often, either (not on clothes, anyway). I always see things I want and like, but I’ve conditioned myself for so long to hold off hold off HOLDOFF… until I’m certain it’s something I absolutely want.

See, when you splurge on an item, it’s more about desire than necessity.

No one NEEDS Tom Ford suits when there’s a Men’s Wearhouse (bleh) down the street. You don’t NEED a pair of $1600 John Lobb lace-ups to cover your feet, or a $7k Panerai just to figure out the time.

These items are about desire: for history, quality, a story, a brand name. We’re way past utility when there’s $7k on your wrist.

I’m not saying this desire is a bad thing, rather, how do we strike a balance between affordability and luxury?

The reason I ask this is because as we get older, our tastes evolve (and our incomes rise), and we start to desire other, better things. Why take your significant other to McDonald’s when you can afford dinner at Morton’s or BLT, right?

But, if we gave into our desires for the biggest, baddest, most awesome things all the time, well, we’d have lots of cool shit but no cash in our pockets.

How do we choose what’s worth the extra coin, and what we should pass on (or at least substitute for a more affordable alternative)?

Determining if your desired item is splurge-worthy

Let me preface all this by saying that if you’re in the minority of folks who can easily practice delayed gratification, I tip my hat to you.

Controlling spending is difficult, and if you ever find yourself on that slippery slope of buying things (usually on credit) before you make the money… be careful with that ish, my friends.

Concerns about style, looking good, and having cool things don’t matter when you’re drowning in debt. Get your finance game straight before buying anything that isn’t a necessity to live (like rent, or food).

Even better, pare down, buy quality, understand the principles of wardrobe minimalism and adopting a personal uniform, and your new habits will justify the splurges you give into every now and again.

So this is my rough three-point checklist when I’m considering a splurge-worthy purchase. Try asking yourself these things next time:

Have I been looking at it forever?

• Do you visit the store all the time?
• Have you tried it on more times than you can remember?
• Are you always looking at the product page online, so much so that it’s the first result in your browser’s history when you type the first letter of the URL?
• Can you recite the product description listed on the site by heart?
• Do product shots make appearances in your dreams?

If you’re thinking of a particular item while answering “yes!” to these questions, perhaps this is something you really should buy.

Do I have the means to purchase it?

Like I mentioned earlier, I’m not talking about credit cards. That’s cheating.

If you’re a smart man, you’ll save up the cash before buying it. There’s no true joy in buying something on credit… it may feel good at the time, but that’s just the deceptive high of instant gratification.

Put away $100-200 (or whatever you can set aside) every month until you can afford it, then go buy it with that cash. The feeling of finally having that item in your possession after saving for it is sweeeet. You know what’s even sweeter? A $0 balance on that credit card.

Plus, you also get a chance to practice delayed gratification by saving for something instead of taking the easy way out and using the credit card. Delayed gratification is monumentally important, especially considering the type of debt people find themselves in nowadays. SO not worth it for a new pair of shoes or a dope jacket.

Do I REALLY want it?

Be sure you really want it. This is probably a bigger, pricier purchase, or else you wouldn’t have been debating over it for so long. Make sure you really want this thing, and know your reasons why.

Quick test: When you find this potentially splurge-worthy item, simply walk away from it and go about your day (or X out of your browser window). The next day, are you still thinking about that item? Do you revisit the store just to take a gander one more time?

A few days later, are you still daydreaming about it, checking stock online, looking at product photos?

That’s when you know you really, really want something. If you can step away from it and give the chemicals in your brain a chance to simmer down, and you still find yourself wishing you had it, then you know it’s not a spur-of-the-moment impulse buy.

The Not Quick At All test: Do you still want said item after saving for it for weeks, potentially months? If you’ve saved the money and you still want the damn thing, it’s DEFINITELY meant to be yours.

If you could live without, since you’ve done so for this long… well, good thing you didn’t buy that item on credit, knawmeen?

Will this splurge-worthy item eventually become an heirloom you pass on? Is it something you can use every day? Do you get giddy with excitement every time you’re near it? You should be passionate about it if you’re gonna buy it, so know your reasons.

Never buy something because it’s what everyone else wants, or to be a show-off, or to put yourself on display like a damn peacock. Purchasing something of luxury shouldn’t be done for these purposes.

Luxury should be personal, intimate. Keep it to yourself and enjoy the outstanding quality quietly, otherwise you look like a douchebag showoff.

BOOM. There’s your quick three-question mini test. Hopefully this saves you from several regretful purchases you otherwise might have made in 2012.

—

Speaking of splurge-worthy, K and I are gearing up to release our second collection at Fifth&Brannan. We’ll be releasing the collection in phases. If you were hoping for everything all at once, sorry to disappoint… but that’s okay! A controlled drip is better than a tsunami of awesomeness. Wouldn’t want you to pass out from sheer delight, or anything.

Best way to stay on top of the 5&B goodness that’s about to grace your screens in early February? Sign up on our mailing list. We’ll make it worth your while, I promise. Click here to get on the list.

If you’re so inclined, feel free to chat with us on Twitter, or be buddies with us on Facebook. It’s all the rage these days.

Photo credit: HO/AFP/Getty Images, tomford.com

Get Your Ideas Out of Your Head and On Paper to Actually Make Progress Towards Your Goals [Productivity]

via Lifehacker by Alan Henry on 1/27/12

It may seem like common sense that you need to get your ideas out of your head to act on them, but how many of us walk around with an always-updating to-do list in our heads only to forget one of them later? One of the basic principles of GTD and many other productivity systems is that your first step is to get your ideas and to-dos out of your head and on paper or into some system as soon as possible so you have the clarity to actually work on them.

The blog GTD Times asked David Allen himself what he considers the first step towards embracing any productivity technique, whether it's GTD or something else, and his response was simple: get it all out of your head. Whether you use pen and a simple notebook that you can carry around with you, the ever-popular hipster PDA, or some fancy desktop or mobile app, the key is to put them somewhere you can refer to them so you're not overwhelmed by the ideas in your head or unmotivated because you can't remember what to work on next. We've covered more than a few to-do managers at Lifehacker, and most of them are designed to help you do this.

Whatever system or tool you use, the goal is to make that tool part of your lifestyle so they fit in well, and the result will be that you'll be able to focus on each task without worrying about what's next or whether you should work on a new idea before you forget it. How do you make sure you get your ideas out before you forget them or get distracted by another task? Share your tips in the comments below.

Photo by mkoske.

Get It All Out Of Your Head | GTD Times

How to Wake Up Like a Dog

via Stepcase Lifehack by Clint Cora on 1/26/12

Before I get started, some of you must be thinking that I’ve gone completely mad suggesting that we should be waking up like a dog — or any other animal for that matter.

Let me explain. Each morning here at my home (without fail), one of my Lhasa Apso dogs (a boy named Chester) starts to prop himself up at the side of my bed at about 6:30 am to see if I’m getting up yet.

He does this even if it’s still completely dark outside — like it usually is during our Canadian winter season this early in the morning. He must have some type of internal alarm clock that wakes him up that early each morning. Fortunately for me, he doesn’t start the day barking which would really annoy me.

I’m quite used to this, of course, since he and his sister (named Roxie) are already six years of age. But for some reason, it dawned on me today that he is actually setting a pretty darn good example for me — and probably everyone else out there.

Waking Up with Enthusiasm Each Day

When he gets up each morning, he is wide awake and full of energy and enthusiasm. It is almost like he is showing me that he is ready to take on another day no matter what’s on the agenda.

Chester must have already decided that it was going to be a great day no matter what. He made the decision to be super-positive and his resulting energy first thing in the morning each day certainly shows!

This is definitely something the rest of us can learn. We make the decisions on how we feel for any given situation — whether it be positive or negative. It is us who really decides how we will face each new day.

If we choose to be negative first thing in the morning, then we will likely have a pretty rotten day. On the other hand, if we choose to be positive when we wake up we will be more successful at living our day — even if full of challenges — with more energy and gusto.

Vibes From Positive People

I’m sure that we can all think of at least one person we all know — whether at the office or some other place — who always seems to be cheerful and happy. It’s almost infectious for the rest of us. The positive vibes that such people have seem to wake the rest of us up. This is why I think it’s so important to be among like-minded people on a regular basis.

In my case, it’s my dog who is displaying this type of positive vibe on a daily basis right in front of me. This is yet another example of how my pets have taught me something useful. I had originally thought that my dogs taught me only about compassion and responsibility — which were already great lessons in life. Now it seem that my dogs also have the capacity to teach me more about motivation and how I should approach each new day.

Think about it. You have the power to determine how you feel and how you start your day. If you want to have a great day, you make the decision to do so…just like how my dog Chester does each morning.

If you know people who always seem to be super positive, feel free to share below how they have affected you. Also, if you have learned something from a pet, feel free to share that as well in the comments below.

Clint Cora is a motivational speaker, author & Karate World Champion based near Toronto, Canada. Get his FREE 3-part Personal Development Video Series on how to expand your comfort zone and finally conquer even your most daunting goals in life.

9 Healthy Habits to Help You Manage Email Overload

via Stepcase Lifehack by Ciara Conlon on 1/26/12

Today, having an email address has become as normal as having a surname. My seven year old son and my seventy six year old mother have email addresses. We can safely say that the email overload phenomenon is nothing new. Since 1971 we have been sending emails, but since 1971 a large percentage of us have not learned how to most effectively use email and how to avoid it becoming a cross we have to bear.

Here are 9 healthy habits you can adopt to prevent you from suffering from the Email Overload phenomenon

Write better emails

Some people treat email as an opportunity to have a chat but that is not the purpose of email. If you are arranging a meeting get to the point rather than send an email that will open up a 10 part communication consider sending an email that is concise.

“Hi, are you free Friday at 11 to discuss the Project A? We could meet at Starbucks on the corner of Merrion Street.”

When, where and why are all available, now all the person has to say is yes if it suits them or suggest alternative arrangements if it doesn’t.

Pick up the Phone

A more efficient way to deal with arranging a meeting would be a telephone call. People often avoid making phone calls because they think it will take up too much time. Not true, arranging a time and place is much more efficient when you are speaking to someone in person, this way you can debate time and place more efficiently both parties being able to check calendars at the same time. Also if you send fewer emails you will logically receive fewer emails.

Remove yourself

Remove yourself from all newsletter lists, group emails etc. If you want to subscribe to email newsletters best have a dedicated email address so not to clutter up your work inbox and also to avoid them disturbing your focus and concentration.

Chunk it up

Check emails in chunks; don’t get tempted to check emails consistently. Smart phones and tablet devices are really awesome but they are not so cool when people start to use them to check emails at all hours of the day, I’ve even know people who check them in bed (gasp!). What you can also do is advise people that you only check your emails twice a day and if they need a reply to something urgently they should rather call you.

Turn it off

Switch off all notifications of emails, on your PC and any other device that you receive email on. Never allow a ding or a bell disturb your focus from what you are working on. It may be an email telling you that you have landed a 1 million dollar deal but it could also be spam or an email from your aunt in Australia to tell you her dog is sick.

Keep it brief

Email is not a medium for spilling your heart out. Keep your messages brief and to the point. The less you write the more likely your question or query will be answered. Even though you want to send and receive less email it is still a better idea to send an email per topic, you are more likely to get an answer to all your questions and it also leaves a better trail if you need to find an email at a later date.

Process your email twice a day

When we say I have to check my email, it usually means you scan your email to see if there is anything urgent or interesting that you want to read or deal with. Checking email is the action to blame which can ultimately lead us to chaos, clutter and stress. It may seem like an exaggeration but if we let it go untended it can end up with thousands of emails sitting in you inbox without knowledge of whether they are actionable or dealt with. We need to substitute check for process. Processing is when we make a decision. We can Do, Delegate, Delete or Defer or we can use the Barabara Hemphill’s FAT method, File, Act or Trash.

Organize your email

The emails you need to keep for reference should be filed in a logical system and the emails that require action should be either moved to your calendar or your task system. All those that don’t fall into these categories should be trashed.

Get a Life

Remember that your email doesn’t own you. You are the adult around here and you need to take control. Follow these actions advised and before long you will be hanging out in your empty Inbox wondering why you feel so calm and peaceful.

(Photo credit: An image of some flying envelopes via Shutterstock)

Ciara Conlon is a Personal Productivity Coach and author. Her mission is to help people achieve their best through working efficiently and being positive and present. “With Productivity and Positivity there is little you can’t achieve” Find out more about Ciara and sign up for her tips, articles and links at Productivity & Positivity

How Positive Thinking Can Improve Your Focus and Creativity [Mind Hacks]

via Lifehacker by Melanie Pinola on 1/25/12

Our brains are pretty easily distracted, especially with all the emails, texts, and other data flying at us constantly. The good news, Harvard Business Review says, is we can train our brain to be more focused and productive—by improving our emotional balance.

Dr. Paul Hammerness and Margaret Moore write that negative emotions sabotage our brains' ability to solve problems and ignore distractions, while positive emotions and thoughts actually improve the brain's executive function. They suggest throughout the day we try to balance the positive and negative. Researcher Barbara Fredrickson of University of North Carolina, Chapel Hill recommends a 3-to-1 "positivity ratio" for life-changing benefits. (Test your positivity ratio with Fredrickson's two-minute quiz.) As for keeping your negative emotions in check:

You can tame negative emotional frenzy by exercising, meditating, and sleeping well. It also helps to notice your negative emotional patterns. Perhaps a coworker often annoys you with some minor habit or quirk, which triggers a downward spiral. Appreciate that such automatic responses may be overdone, take a few breaths, and let go of the irritation.

What can your team do? Start meetings on positive topics and some humor. The positive emotions this generates can improve everyone's brain function, leading to better teamwork and problem solving.

If you feel stuck or unproductive, take a look at how positive or negative you've been feeling or thinking lately and try to get some more of those feel-good emotions in your day.

Photo remixed from an original by Leland Francisco

Train Your Brain to Focus | Harvard Business Review

The Time Value of Money Vs. The Money Value of Time

via MintLife Blog | Personal Finance News & Advice by Matthew Amster-Burton on 1/24/12

Last month I did some volunteer work that was equal parts selfless and clueless and which would have made an economist cry.

My daughter’s school holds an annual book fair to raise money to buy library books and I volunteered to coordinate it this year. A local bookstore brings over crates of books and kids come in throughout the week to buy them. Proceeds are split between the bookstore and the library. Literacy is promoted. Everybody wins.

Well, sort of. Before I get into the “where did I go wrong?” handwringing, a few observations:

First, anyone who thinks kids don’t read anymore should drop by an elementary school book fair. This particular event was held at a pretty typical urban public school and the kids went crazy for the books. Not just the new Wimpy Kid book, but all sorts of books: Arts and crafts books, books about the scariest and most disgusting things on earth, graphic novels, picture books, and the perennial favorite of kids everywhere, the Guinness Book of World Records. After the book fair was over, kids kept stopping me in the hall to say, “I wish the book fair would go forever.” (I did remind them that they can get library books for free.)

Second, kids do not understand sales tax. I know, why should they? But man, I saw a lot of steaming brows when I had to explain that you can’t buy a $10 book for $10. Actually, come to think of it, I grew up in Oregon and I don’t understand sales tax, either.

Finally, having a little money in their backpacks brings out the best and the worst in kids. I saw kids very politely begging their friends for money. (This is against the rules, of course.) I also saw kids spontaneously offering their own money to friends to cover annoyances like sales tax or being two dollars short for Wimpy Kid.

The value of time

In short, the book fair is a big, fun lesson in literacy, generosity, fractions and decimals, all bound up. What could be so bad about that?

Here’s the problem: I ended up taking almost the whole week off work, unpaid, to sit in the library selling books. I’m not complaining about that, though. Who wouldn’t prefer to hang out with kids, reading books, instead of working?

Conservatively, however, I missed out on billing $600 worth of work; call it $450 after taxes. The book fair raised about $150 for the library. If I’d gone to work and just donated my paycheck, the library could have bought a lot more new books.

Even though I thought I knew better, I became the walking incarnation of the conclusion of a famous economics paper:

“The inherent ambiguity of the value of time promotes accommodation and rationalization and may explain the rather obvious observation that most people are a lot more willing to waste time than money.”

To help me make sense of this, I called Laura Vanderkam, author of the time management book, 168 Hours, and the forthcoming personal finance book, which I highly recommend, All the Money in the World.

“It sounds like it was incredibly enjoyable for you, hanging out with your daughter and her friends and encouraging young people to read,” says Vanderkam. “Those of us who write for a living certainly hope younger people will read in the future.”

But what about the money?

“It doesn’t have to be an either-or question, right?” she says. “Maybe there was a way you could have done both. Maybe you could have split the work with someone else and donated moremoney that you had earned during some of the other time.”

Indeed, I rounded up a few volunteers, but not as many as I wanted, and I was too reluctant to delegate and let volunteers take over so I could cram in a little work.

The lessons in math and interpersonal relations, the “promotion of literacy”—these happy side effects of the book fair, are fuzzy and hard to put a price on. The value of getting new books for a library that desperately needs them is hard to dispute.

So, I put it to Vanderkam bluntly: Next year, if the responsibility falls to me, shouldn’t I cancel the book fair and promise to donate a week’s pay to the library instead?

“Probably,” she agreed. “When trading partners specialize in what they do best, it produces the most economic efficiency. When people focus on what they do best, that produces more efficiency, too.”

(This, of course, raises another question: If I can inveigle someone else into running the book fair next year, do I still have to donate my paycheck? I do? Yeah, that’s what I thought.)

On the bridge

Until the other day, I’d filed the book fair episode into the capacious lobe of my brain reserved for salting away dumb mistakes and trying to forget about them. I thought of it again while I was driving across the 520 floating bridge connecting Seattle with Bellevue and the rest of the metro area eastside.

This bridge has been a nonstop traffic jam, even on weekends, for as long as I can remember. I don’t cross it very often, but I always dread it when I do. A couple of weeks ago, however, the state slapped a toll on the bridge to help pay for a replacement bridge.

Now the crossing is a delight. The Seattle Times reports that on one section of the bridge, the average speed jumped from 19mph to 65mph. That’s tooth-grindingly slow to illegally fast. The traffic jam has moved to the other bridge.

Is it better to pay $5 to cross the free-flowing bridge or drive out of your way to take the non-toll bridge, which may or may not be congested? Technology to the rescue: A local developer has created a free smartphone app that tells you the current toll on the toll bridge (it varies throughout the day), the estimated crossing timefor each bridge and the cost in gas.

You still have to decide how you value your time. Are you economically rational or a time-wasting stereotype like me?

Matthew Amster-Burton is a personal finance columnist at Mint.com. Find him on Twitter @Mint_Mamster.

Do Hard Things

via Scott H Young by Scott Young on 1/16/12

I have a rather uncommon mantra for my life:

Do the hardest thing you can.

Uncommon, because I’ve met exceedingly few people who agree with it. In fact, almost everyone suggests the opposite. When I started my MIT Challenge, one of the most common warnings was, “don’t burn yourself out.”

Yet, despite taking on bigger projects, I’ve found this mantra to be increasingly valuable. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the few people I have met who live this mantra are also incredibly successful. What’s more interesting is that the more I follow this mantra the happier I am as well.

Building Strength

If you lift the heaviest weight you can lift, then you become stronger as a result. This is true, not just of muscles, but of yourself as well. Doing harder things makes you a stronger person.

A synonym for this kind of strength might be confidence, although that also has implications of irrational self-assessments as well, so I prefer the word strength. When you’ve taken on harder and harder tasks, and succeeded, then everything else in life seems a little less daunting.

When I did my first course for the MIT Challenge, it was stressful. I’d rarely learned at that pace before, and the constraint scared me. Now working on the classes 11 to 13, I’m not stressed at all.

I’d also say I have fewer negative preoccupations during this challenge than before it. Taking on a hard task can also be a source of focus, shifting yourself away from the myriad of little frustrations and disappointments that otherwise eat at an empty mind.

What if You Burn Out?

Implicit in the mantra is the hardest thing you can do. Which means not doing things which are strictly harder than you can do. After months of research, I felt learning, and writing all the exams for, a computer science degree in one year was doable. Doing the same in three months wasn’t.

Burnout shouldn’t be the goal, but it might be a side-effect. After all, doing the hardest thing can sometimes lead to taking on a project that turns out to be too hard.

But even in that case, how bad is burnout really?

Burnout, like any failure, is only temporary. The only way to ensure you never feel burnt out is to never do anything difficult. The costs of risk must be weighed against the opportunity cost of perfect safety. I’d rather have the occasional burnout, and have developed the inner-strength to confidently take on the world, than to hide away from it.

Caveats: Hard, Not Many; Harder Goals, Not Harder Methods

Two important exceptions:

1. Difficulty shouldn’t add. One challenging goal isn’t the same as two moderate challenges simultaneously.
2. Difficulty should be intrinsic. The goal should be what’s hard. Don’t take an easy goal and make it needlessly difficult.

The first is to distinguish the philosophy of hard work from the philosophy of busy work. Many ambitious students fall into this trap. They want to boost their resume, so they take on dozens of different activities, which individually are only moderately hard.

The problem with this philosophy is that the benefits of difficulty don’t add. Doing one hard project, in terms of impressiveness, learning and developing confidence is way better than trying to juggle three fairly easy projects at the same time.

If a goal doesn’t require at least a certain degree of obsession, it’s not a hard goal. Adding easy goals together doesn’t make them “hard” in the way I’m discussing.

The second is to make it clear that the difficulty should be in the constraints. Once the constraints are established, you should try to make accomplishing it as easy as possible.

Hard Work and Interesting Work

Difficult projects also tend to be interesting. If the challenge is difficult enough to require a minor obsession to complete, then it usually also needs to be interesting, if it has to generate the motivation to accomplish it.

It’s this correlation between difficulty and impressiveness that I think explains another correlation—people who seek hard work tend to also be successful. Not for the simple reason that they also tend to be ambitious (I don’t notice the same correlation with the people who rack up numerous easy accomplishments), but because hard projects generate a path for future opportunities.

A related mantra might be, “Always do the most interesting thing you can.” This is a little trickier to implement in practice. (What’s interesting? What if you don’t know where to start?) If you omit the cases of difficult projects which are uninteresting, then I believe the original mantra works pretty well.

Happiness and the Challenge

The main reason I follow this mantra is that it makes me happier. It took me awhile to discover that fact, since I had been convinced by everyone around me that the key to happiness was avoiding stress and difficulty.

Looking back, I think they were certainly correct about challenges forced upon you. Choosing to do the hardest things also implies that you’re choosing. If you’re coerced into taking on harder work, it has all the stress and frustration without the excitement.

In the end this mantra isn’t correct for everyone. Some people really will be happier if they could sit on a beach all day. But if you enjoy the thrill of the challenge, even at the sacrifice of a little leisure, then I’d say it’s a good mantra to live by.

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Do Hard Things

via Scott H Young by Scott Young on 1/16/12

I have a rather uncommon mantra for my life:

Do the hardest thing you can.

Uncommon, because I’ve met exceedingly few people who agree with it. In fact, almost everyone suggests the opposite. When I started my MIT Challenge, one of the most common warnings was, “don’t burn yourself out.”

Yet, despite taking on bigger projects, I’ve found this mantra to be increasingly valuable. Perhaps unsurprisingly, the few people I have met who live this mantra are also incredibly successful. What’s more interesting is that the more I follow this mantra the happier I am as well.

Building Strength

If you lift the heaviest weight you can lift, then you become stronger as a result. This is true, not just of muscles, but of yourself as well. Doing harder things makes you a stronger person.

A synonym for this kind of strength might be confidence, although that also has implications of irrational self-assessments as well, so I prefer the word strength. When you’ve taken on harder and harder tasks, and succeeded, then everything else in life seems a little less daunting.

When I did my first course for the MIT Challenge, it was stressful. I’d rarely learned at that pace before, and the constraint scared me. Now working on the classes 11 to 13, I’m not stressed at all.

I’d also say I have fewer negative preoccupations during this challenge than before it. Taking on a hard task can also be a source of focus, shifting yourself away from the myriad of little frustrations and disappointments that otherwise eat at an empty mind.

What if You Burn Out?

Implicit in the mantra is the hardest thing you can do. Which means not doing things which are strictly harder than you can do. After months of research, I felt learning, and writing all the exams for, a computer science degree in one year was doable. Doing the same in three months wasn’t.

Burnout shouldn’t be the goal, but it might be a side-effect. After all, doing the hardest thing can sometimes lead to taking on a project that turns out to be too hard.

But even in that case, how bad is burnout really?

Burnout, like any failure, is only temporary. The only way to ensure you never feel burnt out is to never do anything difficult. The costs of risk must be weighed against the opportunity cost of perfect safety. I’d rather have the occasional burnout, and have developed the inner-strength to confidently take on the world, than to hide away from it.

Caveats: Hard, Not Many; Harder Goals, Not Harder Methods

Two important exceptions:

1. Difficulty shouldn’t add. One challenging goal isn’t the same as two moderate challenges simultaneously.
2. Difficulty should be intrinsic. The goal should be what’s hard. Don’t take an easy goal and make it needlessly difficult.

The first is to distinguish the philosophy of hard work from the philosophy of busy work. Many ambitious students fall into this trap. They want to boost their resume, so they take on dozens of different activities, which individually are only moderately hard.

The problem with this philosophy is that the benefits of difficulty don’t add. Doing one hard project, in terms of impressiveness, learning and developing confidence is way better than trying to juggle three fairly easy projects at the same time.

If a goal doesn’t require at least a certain degree of obsession, it’s not a hard goal. Adding easy goals together doesn’t make them “hard” in the way I’m discussing.

The second is to make it clear that the difficulty should be in the constraints. Once the constraints are established, you should try to make accomplishing it as easy as possible.

Hard Work and Interesting Work

Difficult projects also tend to be interesting. If the challenge is difficult enough to require a minor obsession to complete, then it usually also needs to be interesting, if it has to generate the motivation to accomplish it.

It’s this correlation between difficulty and impressiveness that I think explains another correlation—people who seek hard work tend to also be successful. Not for the simple reason that they also tend to be ambitious (I don’t notice the same correlation with the people who rack up numerous easy accomplishments), but because hard projects generate a path for future opportunities.

A related mantra might be, “Always do the most interesting thing you can.” This is a little trickier to implement in practice. (What’s interesting? What if you don’t know where to start?) If you omit the cases of difficult projects which are uninteresting, then I believe the original mantra works pretty well.

Happiness and the Challenge

The main reason I follow this mantra is that it makes me happier. It took me awhile to discover that fact, since I had been convinced by everyone around me that the key to happiness was avoiding stress and difficulty.

Looking back, I think they were certainly correct about challenges forced upon you. Choosing to do the hardest things also implies that you’re choosing. If you’re coerced into taking on harder work, it has all the stress and frustration without the excitement.

In the end this mantra isn’t correct for everyone. Some people really will be happier if they could sit on a beach all day. But if you enjoy the thrill of the challenge, even at the sacrifice of a little leisure, then I’d say it’s a good mantra to live by.

Learn Faster, Achieve More
Get the ideas I don't share on the blog. Join my private newsletter and I'll give you my free rapid-learning ebook.